This post is dedicated to the woman behind the man whom she named after the highest garden in paradise.

Mother.

Stay close to your mother, for verily, paradise lies under her feet. After all, why would she have given the name of the highest garden in paradise? and single-handedly raise FOUR kids for 12 years ALL BY HERSELF?

I will never forget those random times where she would pull me aside and tell me "Always be a good person. You must always do what is right even if it means great difficulty"

After getting divorced in 1999, I thought everyone acted as though things were the way before. heh. I was probably too young to realise what was really going on their lives. They werent very communicative especially my eldest brother who hasnt talked to my sister since the divorce.

But I was so wrong. I was living in my own world.
My eldest brother kept locking himself in his room and only spoke to my mother and sometimes my eldest brother and myself once in a blue moon. My elder brother got into more trouble while my sis was fine but my grades got worse at school. (WHY IS IT THE GUYS WHO ALWAYS GET WORSE IN SUCH SITUATIONS AH?!)

In spite of those challenges, she pulled through without losing strength even once. She never lost courage. She never lost her devotion. How could a woman teach for 42 years, raise four kids single handedly to their peak (not yet me though) and remain more stalwart than a man? The answer is beyond my understanding.

The most surprising feature about mother is that...she is 60 BUT LOOKS ONLY 30! Everyone,except for my relatives, who have seen her refuse to believe she's 60. That she's only 30. eh, why is it the opposite for me ah? grr

But after today,
after hearing how weak her voice sounded,
after seeing how easily she tires,
after seeing how more lonely she has been,
after hearing her disappointment that my sister will move out soon,

I believe it is a sacred duty to look after our parents. But now, its sacred to me to follow in her image and somehow bring us all back together. If I was the eldest, it'd be a different story.

But for everyone's sake, I cant stop.

Now she has retired and my siblings all have stable incomes, that only leaves me in mother's care. Though I try to ease her burden by doing some housework and relying on my pay and spending more time with her, she doesnt seem complete. If only she'd be more open to us but when you love someone, what you can do for them is infinite whereas what you can say to them is limited. Even those famous three words mean nothing if so little is done. sigh

Like I said, true love is often unromantic (for couples) and often never made known.

Anyway, it's all about what we do to make things better. It scares me when she tells me that she's never done enough. I'd do what I can to give her a measure of peace, no matter how small. Because she gave all the peace she could have to us.

What a day it has been.
 I feel worried,amazed,disgusted,horrified,appalled,grateful,fulfilled,pleased and disappointed all rolled into one