When do you do when you want something so badly but you cant have it?
You gotta accept that you cant have it because there is something greater in store for you.Whether its gonna happen in the next month or 10 years down the road, it'll come sooner or later.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Let me pour out everything. It's gonna be a mess but I'll feel better after that
10 years ago, my ENTIRE unit strived with one goal in mind. Excellence at all levels. With teachers like Mr Joseph Chua, Mr Edmund Chow, Mr Eugene Wong and Mr Zul, we set ourselves the target of achieving that 5 years of UOPA gold. It would only be a matter of time since all these teachers were all Senior Police Officers with links to the SPF and NPCC HQ itself. They were great motivators and people who would inspire the CIs and cadets with their own hard work and support.With our principal Mrs Edelweiss Neo backing us with full support, the spirit that was instilled in all of us was unwavering.
So it held that way from 2001 and 2002. I still remember how fiercely we fought in every competition. How everyone would train for Games day and Drill Competition. then it all fell in 2003.It is difficult for me to say where it went wrong at that time. Between those times, the above mentioned teachers had begun to leave us and the unit had slowly deproved. I still remember when I was in Sec5 worrying about the state of things despite having stepped down. Between 2003-2006, the unit had slowly limped along. Thankfully, there were the older CIs like Royce and Ronald to help out. I still feel indebted to them in one way or another for their help. Though small, their impact was great. They had that uncompromising ability to inspire. To move people to take action.
Then in 2007, the unit had become a great deal stronger. Our total strength of CIs had gone up to 7 and we had the fortune to still acquire Mr Zul and Ms Si, who was a former cadet. The NCOs were a bunch of self motivated and hungry-for-success troupe though they were rowdy at times and posed a nuisance to the CIs and TOs. It was then that I realised it would not last. I had long forseen that this great determination would soon come crashing down with a variety of problems. Apparently, when those NCOs left, most of the other CIs had left as well. Suddenly, there was hardly anyone but myself left. It was like being dumped in a huge ocean without the ability to swim! I wasnt really a very active cadet back then and now I was the only active CI left to make things right. It sounded truly depressing and I can assure you it is. But nonetheless, it was a job that had to be done. I sacrificed so much time for the Corps till my school results were mediocre. But it never mattered to me. Because I dearly loved the unit and intended to instill the same love in others. I was reminded of the great passion and love that the previous NCOs,CIs,HOs and TOs had for the unit. I took it up upon myself to continue in their footsteps and fulfill what they had set in their time.
It was at this stage that strengthened my belief that if one had love strong enough, it would beget. Just like evil begets evil. Though there are countless times where I have been proven wrong, even in friendships, it only serves me to remind me that love will one day prevail. So long as you truly love someone, they will remember it and may one day follow suit to others.
Even despite all that, I had already begun to slowly lose heart and consign myself to the fact that the target may never be achieved. We had performed admirably in 2007 and nearly made it by the skin of our teeth in 2008. Then came the moment I had been dreading in 2010. Like most of the problems that came our away, I had no answer. I could not answer to the alumni and cadets. I always gave excuses and possibilities ranging from HQ to our own miscalculations. But I knew the hard truth and where it had all began. For the first time in my life, I could not find a solution.
I felt terrible. I had brought up the hopes and aspirations of so many young kids to have that same desire and passion only to let them down. I had pushed them to their limits and trained them to perform higher than their expectations. They had gained the intrinsic value but they never got rewarded as an entire unit. They were frustrated that despite all their intense efforts, they would always come up short at the end. Worse still, I felt betrayed because it all came down to something as silly as late or non submissions! When Ms Wong told me that the SCI form was never received, I knew then what had happened to all our previous SPF-NPCC and UOPA forms. If the need ever arose, I would be there to fulfill all the necessary work to do for the TOs. All they had to do was ASK! I had given my 100% and can always go beyond for the sake of the younger ones.
Sigh.That has happened twice in row for 2 years now and this year I'm sure its the same thing all over again. I'm sure of it. The young ones will be left to themselves. Whether the unit will push itself up again or not, I will no longer be there to witness it.
Nonetheless, my duty is not yet complete and there is much to be done. I wish I can stay longer but my days are numbered.
My greatest wish is that people will truly understand and take action as many others before me have done so.
10 years ago, my ENTIRE unit strived with one goal in mind. Excellence at all levels. With teachers like Mr Joseph Chua, Mr Edmund Chow, Mr Eugene Wong and Mr Zul, we set ourselves the target of achieving that 5 years of UOPA gold. It would only be a matter of time since all these teachers were all Senior Police Officers with links to the SPF and NPCC HQ itself. They were great motivators and people who would inspire the CIs and cadets with their own hard work and support.With our principal Mrs Edelweiss Neo backing us with full support, the spirit that was instilled in all of us was unwavering.
So it held that way from 2001 and 2002. I still remember how fiercely we fought in every competition. How everyone would train for Games day and Drill Competition. then it all fell in 2003.It is difficult for me to say where it went wrong at that time. Between those times, the above mentioned teachers had begun to leave us and the unit had slowly deproved. I still remember when I was in Sec5 worrying about the state of things despite having stepped down. Between 2003-2006, the unit had slowly limped along. Thankfully, there were the older CIs like Royce and Ronald to help out. I still feel indebted to them in one way or another for their help. Though small, their impact was great. They had that uncompromising ability to inspire. To move people to take action.
Then in 2007, the unit had become a great deal stronger. Our total strength of CIs had gone up to 7 and we had the fortune to still acquire Mr Zul and Ms Si, who was a former cadet. The NCOs were a bunch of self motivated and hungry-for-success troupe though they were rowdy at times and posed a nuisance to the CIs and TOs. It was then that I realised it would not last. I had long forseen that this great determination would soon come crashing down with a variety of problems. Apparently, when those NCOs left, most of the other CIs had left as well. Suddenly, there was hardly anyone but myself left. It was like being dumped in a huge ocean without the ability to swim! I wasnt really a very active cadet back then and now I was the only active CI left to make things right. It sounded truly depressing and I can assure you it is. But nonetheless, it was a job that had to be done. I sacrificed so much time for the Corps till my school results were mediocre. But it never mattered to me. Because I dearly loved the unit and intended to instill the same love in others. I was reminded of the great passion and love that the previous NCOs,CIs,HOs and TOs had for the unit. I took it up upon myself to continue in their footsteps and fulfill what they had set in their time.
It was at this stage that strengthened my belief that if one had love strong enough, it would beget. Just like evil begets evil. Though there are countless times where I have been proven wrong, even in friendships, it only serves me to remind me that love will one day prevail. So long as you truly love someone, they will remember it and may one day follow suit to others.
Even despite all that, I had already begun to slowly lose heart and consign myself to the fact that the target may never be achieved. We had performed admirably in 2007 and nearly made it by the skin of our teeth in 2008. Then came the moment I had been dreading in 2010. Like most of the problems that came our away, I had no answer. I could not answer to the alumni and cadets. I always gave excuses and possibilities ranging from HQ to our own miscalculations. But I knew the hard truth and where it had all began. For the first time in my life, I could not find a solution.
I felt terrible. I had brought up the hopes and aspirations of so many young kids to have that same desire and passion only to let them down. I had pushed them to their limits and trained them to perform higher than their expectations. They had gained the intrinsic value but they never got rewarded as an entire unit. They were frustrated that despite all their intense efforts, they would always come up short at the end. Worse still, I felt betrayed because it all came down to something as silly as late or non submissions! When Ms Wong told me that the SCI form was never received, I knew then what had happened to all our previous SPF-NPCC and UOPA forms. If the need ever arose, I would be there to fulfill all the necessary work to do for the TOs. All they had to do was ASK! I had given my 100% and can always go beyond for the sake of the younger ones.
Sigh.That has happened twice in row for 2 years now and this year I'm sure its the same thing all over again. I'm sure of it. The young ones will be left to themselves. Whether the unit will push itself up again or not, I will no longer be there to witness it.
Nonetheless, my duty is not yet complete and there is much to be done. I wish I can stay longer but my days are numbered.
My greatest wish is that people will truly understand and take action as many others before me have done so.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Angel lyrics
Songwriters: Mclachlan, Sarah;
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sarah-mcLachlan-lyrics/angel-lyrics.html)
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Songwriters: Mclachlan, Sarah;
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sarah-mcLachlan-lyrics/angel-lyrics.html)
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Its funny how the world really works eh? The way it goes about just makes you think about it more and more.
I had a feeling last night wasnt a really good time to go the pond.
And indeed it wasnt!
My faithful rod that has been with me for 4 years snapped. Ah well, I had good memories with it so I wont complain about the night any further.
Anyway, I was looking through the NAA/DC section application to NTU. I realised with great..ah...that dumb R word...REGRET..that obviously I should have followed my own passions in the past.
There were two out of four criterias which I could have made so much more appealing.
The part that really gripes me is the sports section! All those bunches of medals gathering rust and trophies gathering dust (HEY THAT RHYMED!) were just sports day, cross country and inter house competitions. It might have been different if I carried on in the TP track & field team. sigh. To think it was my passion for years..and still is though. Ah well, at least I have Changi United for now. Although the football passion isnt burning as bright as for running, I'll follow through on it for my NYAA.
Then I'll really follow through on that childhood dream of athletics.
Now why is a whole post dedicated to this? Because my gpa clearly aint good enough for anything!
I had a feeling last night wasnt a really good time to go the pond.
And indeed it wasnt!
My faithful rod that has been with me for 4 years snapped. Ah well, I had good memories with it so I wont complain about the night any further.
Anyway, I was looking through the NAA/DC section application to NTU. I realised with great..ah...that dumb R word...REGRET..that obviously I should have followed my own passions in the past.
There were two out of four criterias which I could have made so much more appealing.
- Active involvement/participation in community services and/or volunteering work
- Demonstrated excellence in areas such as leadership, entrepreneurship, arts & culture, sports, etc
The part that really gripes me is the sports section! All those bunches of medals gathering rust and trophies gathering dust (HEY THAT RHYMED!) were just sports day, cross country and inter house competitions. It might have been different if I carried on in the TP track & field team. sigh. To think it was my passion for years..and still is though. Ah well, at least I have Changi United for now. Although the football passion isnt burning as bright as for running, I'll follow through on it for my NYAA.
Then I'll really follow through on that childhood dream of athletics.
Now why is a whole post dedicated to this? Because my gpa clearly aint good enough for anything!
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