Lest I forget to say this to you..I shall pen it here. Basic training was a time where I experienced a great deal of selfishness and taunting.it was so difficult trying to keep people in line with their competitiveness and pride. Worse still, I was losing faith in people and my close friends didn't give me the support I needed.that made me sink even deeper and truly lose faith with everyone.people were just so unwilling to compromise for the sake of others. Nonetheless, I know in my heart that I stood my ground and held my own. I sacrificed my ego and pride for a bunch of strangers and loved ones at a time where I was the one who needed help most.but what goes around comes around a long way. I've grown more savvy and self-preserved. I say good riddance to a bunch of people who cared less. Your time will come but I'm glad that you don't affect my belief in this calling to serve.

Sigh.I cant get over it.I was at the lowest ever point of my life and I had no one.not one person I felt who would understand or whom I could rely on.I just felt truly abandoned.I was stuck in such a selfish world in which I had tried to get along. but it seemed people could hardly care or they were too preoccupied with their own matters.

Quote from the movie, Braveheart; "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it"

I have never felt this free before. Free in my heart.

I havent felt that great weight in my heart or shoulders since a long time.




Since God-knows-when, I've always subconsciously blamed it on a lot of things or never got the hang of it. heh. In the midst of helping others, I ended helping myself. Its odd that people's problems became my problems in the process. I must be too overly-sensitive or something.


And now, I  feel the pure joy of freedom. I feel truly alive and like my true self.
I'm back from that long hiatus.

And now, I'm ready to serve back my purpose. which is none other than serving others. My usual bloghopping and facebook-ing brought alot of attention to what has been going around with people. I just simply cant bear to see people in hardship and me doing nothing when I clearly know how to alleviate their feelings or set it right for them. Then again, I've learnt I cant always help everyone and I gotta let it go with some people. Sigh. sucks ass but all I can do is pray they'll get through or the right one is there to help them along the way. which reminds me bout poor Haz. I really wish I knew what she's going through but I guess I aint one to know because she aint telling me.

My time in NS has made me realise how fragile bonds of friendship are over time. Unless there is a constant strengthening such as reminding one another how grateful you are, sacrificing some time from your work or leisure to see them. I wish my friends knew how much I sacrificed for them in the past. I never asked for anything in return but I only wish they'd understand how I felt. The world is literally becoming more fragile in every way. I cant help but see how people begin to slowly drift apart like the earth tectonic plates begin to slowly shift apart.

How coincidental that I came across Aisha's fb status:

Friends i nvr get close to.. Nt involvin myself with them, not a chance to get to know them. Cos i thought MY friends are the best ever.. Now, looking back, im nt left with any.. Ive missed tht chance. While They are still close nw. And i'll nvr be in the picture..
Miss u buddy.. :'

Sigh. It just saddens me that most people I know didnt feel that way a long time ago. Thankfully for Aisha, I'm glad she realises this, that people come and go. But for my friends, or even the closer acquaintances, I dont want them to regret this in the long future. I wish people wouldnt place so much thought or emphasis on anything else other than the true bonds of friendship and pursuit of knowledge in their lives. Because I know somehow or another we're all gonna make it even with or without a degree or a high paying job.Im sounding like some old man but I've followed this thus far and I've always been happy. Always.

So many people drifting apart here and there. So many people busybusybusy.

How I really wish I could impart this to others. We'd all be so much happier. I'm sure of it.
Dear God, please strengthen my resolve to serve the people around me. To be a better person to all and to give them the best of myself. Because every soul can be saved and everyone deserves that chance of redemption, love, companionship, courage and wisdom. Amin