Oh God...why did this cold fear and wave of insecurity resurface at around the same time after a year.

I'm not afraid anymore. I no longer want to suppress my own feelings nor let my own fears change me into what I'm not.

I no longer fear to show the world how much I love what I love the things around me, the people in my life and the things I do. Nothing shall sap me of my determination nor cast doubts or insecurities over my sacrifices and faith in people.

My time in NS has given me the insight to truly appreciate the beauty and sanctity of so many things. I strongly believe in this calling which I am meant to dedicate my life to. Yet before one can defend all that he loves, he must first accept the love of others. That was something I denied myself for a very long time. I've been given this clean slate of life called "NS" and its stripped me down to my inner self.

And I feel so alive now. I've never more like myself in my entire life than this moment now. with all the people in my life, though so few, yet so dear and precious to me. I dont care if my life forfeit or not. All that I ever want to do is to go on living my life to its full extent for the sake of those I hold so dear to my heart