My time alone this week has been....
For most of my life,I gave all that I could for others. I thought of them before myself.
I didnt ask for anything in return.
I felt it was just too much to ask anyone for the slightest bit of anything. I wouldnt ask from them if they werent the least bit willing. I never learnt to pluck up the courage to even ask for help (or love in that sense).

Yet I dont know why I did all that I could to help others and love them unconditionally.

In spite of all that I did for them, I couldnt help myself.
Now I'm reaping the full consequences after years.

I remember the feeling of being absolutely lost and scared whenever I accomplished my task of helping others. Its like you have no idea where to go or what to do when you finish something. I only found courage and hope for the sake of helping others. But now that I have no choice to help others but myself in this stage of life, I find myself truly lost like never before.

Reminds me of the last words from Aragorn's mother, Gilraen, from Lord Of The Rings before she died.

I gave hope to the Dunadan, but I kept no hope for myself.
 
Now I really dont know how to pick myself up.